Leaving

I'm leaving..
To take a break...to think things through..
Dunno how long i'll be gone..
Just pray that things will be better soon..
And when i'm finally back..I can finally smile truly again..
"Just wanna tell u..if u ever nid anything..gif me a call..i'll do wad i can to help..take care and smiles..!"
"Hope u wont forget me..cos u noe i wont.. =) "

I get ur pt...

So it all comes down to diz...

She said always be my best fren...and i did..
She said dun ever ignore her...and i did...
She said one day if she realised that she truly loves me and i wont be there anymore..and so i stayed...

She said she'll always be my best fren...but she didn't..
She said she'll nv ignore me...but she did...
She said i'm her pillar of strength and support...but she left...

i dunno wad i'll do from today onwards..but today has got to be the biggest blow i felt..
I was in shocked..and i almost fainted and fell..i couldn't breathe...
Such an action.......
If this is wad she wants that will keep her happy..
If my presence is of such irritant to her..
If knowing me was such a shame that she wanna forget......
Den maybe it's time for me to leave..

不明白为何是我。。。
不相信她既然这样对我。。。
不甘愿就这样输。。。
不愿意有这样的结局。。。
不想恨她。。。不想想她。。。
不想忘了她。。。更不想她忘了我。。。
我的心会痛。。。我的眼眶湿。。。
我的爱谁会董。。。我的痛无法忍受。。。
我只能把她永远的埋在我心中。。。
背着这过去的回忆。。
永远没法忘记。。。没法开心。。。
但我得离去。。。她才能开心。。。。。。

Lost

I think I've already lost you
I think you're already gone
I think I'm finally scared now
You think I'm weak
I think you're wrong

I think you're already leaving
Feels like your hand is on the door
I thought this place was an empire
Now I'm relaxed
I can't be sure

I think you're so mean
I think we should try
I think I could need this in my life
I think I'm scared
I think too much
I know it's wrong
It's a problem
But I'm dealing

If you're gone maybe it's time to come home
There's an awful lot of breathing room but I can hardly move
If you're gone baby you need to come home
Oh
Come home
There's a little bit of something me in everything in you

I bet you’re hard to get over
I bet the room just won’t shine
I bet my hands I can stay here
I bet you need more than you mind

I think you're so mean
I think we should try
I think I could need this in my life
I think I'm just scared that I know too much
I can't relate and that's a problem
I'm feeling

If you're gone maybe it's time to come home
There's an awful lot of breathing room but I can hardly move
If you're gone baby you need to come home
There's a little bit of something me in everything in you

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The feeling of losing someone really sucks..
You wont know wad to do..where to go...just lost..your whole world collapsed..
You cry but no one knows the pain you're going tru..u blame everything..including yourself..why did you let diz thing hpn..

And nothing you do now seems to make sense anymore..you just wish one thing which u noe will not be happening unless you're really lucky..nth else matters..

Everyone is asking you to move on..even you yourself is telling you tt..but u just cant do it..the last ting you wan is to start forgetting..cos u've live for her and her alone..once u forget..u cant live anymore..

And so you choose to live a life of regret..of sadness..of missing her..of not knowing where to go wad to do and how to live..but u just haf to do tt..cos other than doing this..u cant live anymore..

Starting to hate yourself more and more..and it all that you can do now..
For wad is gone is gone..wad is now is hell..and wad will be is meaningless..

Is this the End??

Is this the End to everything???

To all problems..
To all hopes..
and all fears..

Ending is not always pleasant..and it's not always what we planed or wanted..
The thing is to learn to adapt and take whatever outcomes life may present and make the best of everything we can..

So think twice before you act... it's the living who feels the pain more..

This action was constantly on my mind...even now...it's still lingering around...i dunno y i'm so weak diz time round...i tot i'll be able to walk out of diz relationship easily...but i was wrong...
All sorts of stupid thoughts just keeps coming...dunno how long i can stay like diz..haha..feel so...aiya...

Just gone through my pics on flickr...dunno y they all feel so sad...pple say the photographer creates the mood..i think it should be the photo depicts the photographer's mood..

Hope i can come up wif happy pics soon...

Is this goodbye???

Is this Goodbye??

Goodbye to the lonely nitez and lonely tears...
Goodbye to sleepless nitez spent thinking of you...
Goodbye to heartaches...for my heart is dead...

...you're no longer here...

Welcome new life...without you...
Welcome new day...still living in haze...
Welcome new moments...ever regretting...

...Moving on...yet standing still...

Holding on to memories gone...
Not knowing how or when to move on...
Missing you...all the time...getting stronger...harder to believe...
Believing that you'll be back one day...
Hoping all hopes...wishing all wishes..

...Only Knowing...still loving you...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Falling in love is like kids playing with fire..

Everything is so amazing..and you would just totally get absorbed into it..
Blinded to all surrounding things..
And when you thought everything was great..
You're burnt..and you feel like hell..
People will tell you never to play with it again..But like a kid playing with flame..
You'll try again..only to get hurt again and again..
Until one day..you finally learnt..
Only then..can you really enjoy love..

Came up with this idea of buring away my past..my memories..but somehow..it's not really working..but the photo turns out really well..haha..wad an irony..
It's really wad i'm going tru now..like i keep saying..it's not abt moving on our wad..it's abt............

I dunno..not any more..

Over the weekend..went playing soccer with kok's frenz..they were a happy bunch..really miss those time when i was like them..always having fun..and the way some of them treated relationship..how i wish i was like them..so carefree..
i dunno..
and over lunch her name was popped up suddenly by esmond..haha..as much as i try to run..things abt her keep coming to back to me..even when i'm not thinking..
It's like as much as i'm trying not to think..it just comes back stronger..so den wad should i do.......

New old shoes

New old shoes




This pair of shoes i saw it last yr..at queensway shopping centre..i like the brightness and style of it and really wanted to get it..but i only got it recently..She had wanted to buy it for me..but it was too expensive and i din want her to waste the money as she needed them to pay for her school fees and stuff..

It's been a couple of months already..but everything is still so vivid...
Like they just happened yesterday..
Wonder how's she now..if everything is alright..

And when the days feel like years and the moments seems forever..i feel so much older..
Tired of hoping..sick of thinking..cos they all ended up disappointing..
Hoping against hope..maybe miracles do happen..but you'll never konw..
And all i can do is hope and pray...cos only he knows...

My wish

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
and each road leads you where you wanna go,
and if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
if it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile.
But more than anything, more than anything...

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
This,is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but you never forget,
all the ones who love you, in the place you left,

I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,and you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
and always give more than you take.
But More than anything, yeah, more than anything...

Wads going on???

Wads going on???

Pple..diz is my blog..it's a place where i unload my feelings..u can read..u can comment..but please stop the nonsense over the tag box..i dun wish to see any of diz..If i could i would haf deleted away those stuff..

It's my life..i live it my way..so please dun let this nonsense go on..thx..

这首歌。。

就让这首歌 今夜一直重复 我们都没错 只是看清楚 原来不懂的事
没有什么好说 现在先不要说 就让我们沉默 最后的拥抱 爱情的终点

回忆一触即发 如何忍住眼泪 不让它哭得唏哩哗啦 触景伤情 这样好吗
从今以后各走各的路 怎么可能不在乎 不怪现在只怪当初
谁辜负了谁 糊涂清醒了没 越是买醉却不醉 绕了一圈却越想念谁 吃定了谁
电影散场了没 又怎么会 虎头蛇尾 看你哭红又肿了双眼 一把眼泪一把鼻涕
从喜剧变成默剧怎么继续 只好放着这首歌 它一直Repeat
曾经你是我的瘾 我们爱的这么过瘾 就像生命共同体 如今 却只能谢谢这回忆
电影散场之后 你是否留下了什么 一切不能再重头 那感伤的话别说
这决定并不轻松 夜深人静心会痛 有首歌它一直Repeat Repeat是为了什么

是分手的时候 就让我们自由 回忆一幕幕 就像一场电影 原来一直感动
电影终要结束 结束难免痛苦 心中留下伤痕 就让这首歌 萦绕在耳边

我尝试 刻划着每一字 曾经快乐的每一日 这首歌要播几次 有太多的舍不得事
歌词像针在刺 旋律让眼眶湿 曾几何时开始静止 打不开的话夹子
从你侬我侬的梦 到现在你懂我懂的沉默 所有的痛 就让时间来破
电影散场之后 就在那回首处 你别走回头路 我只能头也不回的藏住感触
少了骗人的拼图 怎么拼的出那版图 我真心为你祝福　
有没有那么一首歌会让你很想念 有没有那么一首歌你会假装听不见
听了又掉眼泪 却按不下停止键 多少个夜就这样开着灯到另一个夜
我们之间有多少故事在这首歌的里面 人不在就让这首歌在 回忆也还在 谢谢你的爱

我不懂 不要问我。。

Missing you

I miss u like crazy, even more than words can say..
I think abt u all the time, hoping u would do the same..
Sleepless nitez accompany me..lonely days follow me..

You left me hanging..and i din noe wad to do..
i wanna hate you..but i couldn't bring myself to..
i wanna love you..but u wouldn't let me to...

Too much was left unspoken..too many wad ifs..
I'm a hypocrite..i'm a liar..
And now i'm the loser..

i dunno..dun ask me..not anymore..

我不懂 不要问我。。

Dun understand...

She really nv wish me happy bdae at all...

Y did she do diz to me???
wad did i do to deserve all diz???
I treated her sincerely..and she din even bother to at the very least send me an sms..
Can someone tell me why???
My biggest strength was tt i give my all to my love ones..but tts oso my greatest weakness..cos when i was hurt by them..i'll be seriously hurt...
But there's something gd abt diz bdae though..haha..there are pple who care..and i really wanna say a BIG thank you to all those who care..
I'll nv forget you pple..this i promise!!!

Thank you...!



This is how i feel now..feeling like the ice cubes..
Hairdryer Vs Ice cubes..i think the outcome is obvious rite??
Hope that someone can unplug the hairdryer..

我不懂 不要问我。。

09.01.1986

09.01.1986
On that day..at around 9 in the morning..a boy was born...His name was to be Jasper Chia Cai Yao..

The week he was due..it rain continuously for that whole week..
His eyes were tightly closed for a couple of days after he was born..Grandma says his feet are weird..the toes were so long..unlike that of a newborn..

He had a simple family..not rich..but manage to get by..
13th month and he learnt to talk...
18th month and he took his first step..
Everything was full of promise..just like every other new life..

He excelled in sports and did well for his studies too..Graduated from Rulang Primary School in 1999..But he was seriously betrayed by a fren who stole money from his place..
Fairfield Methodist Secondary School occupied his time for the following 4 yrs..
He continue to do well in sports..but neglected his studies..
Every year without fail..he'll win some medals in the track and field events..many people envy him..and he was thought to be arrogant..but he was just misunderstood..bcos he was a quiet boy in his developing years..and that habit was carried forward into his teenage years..
So life was not always smooth..As young as he was..he was well acting beyond his age..and that didn't help..so he didn't haf many friends..
At 16..he was in a relationship..which din last very long..things din work out really well..
At 17..he spent the next 2 yrs over at Jurong Junior College..where he continue to win medals and continue to neglect his studies..Finally he won the much wanted national schools track and field championship medal..but he flunk his A levels..
An so..he couldn't make it to local universities..try and try but rejections keep coming..
Even in the army..he excelled among his peers..but he still couldn't make it to the vocation he wanted..so from 17 onwards..he was at the bottom of his life's roller coaster ride..
When he was 21..he met the girl who he really love..things went really well..and so he tot she's the best thing that hpn for a long long time..but still..things didn't went according to plan..he was devastated..couldn't figure out y things become like this..and till diz day..he's still trying to stand..

And that generally sums up his life so far..
Many people enter and leaves his life..more leave than enter actually..
He's not a really happy child..but he's always trying to strive for better..problems plague him..but he's still fighting..nv wanted to give in..
So lets pray for him that he'll haf a better year ahead..and years to come..
He said he had 2 wishes this bdae..
1)He hopes generally his life will improve especially in photography and studies and family..
2)He hopes the relationship between him and her will improve..and oso the relationship with his other frens..



Lets hope his wishes will come true!!
Happy Birthday Jasper !!

想你

想念你在无人的夜晚里

在我心里, 很爱你

若无其事对你,事事都不在意

在心里, 很难过,很伤心

不明白为何事情变了样

没怪你, 怪自己

见你开心, 我安慰

你再冷漠, 我承受

为了你的开心, 我有恒心

愿你一辈子开心与快乐

做你永远的好朋友。。

7 Smiles

Was thinking abt the past again...
There's something i notice abt her..is that she has "7 smiles"

Smile 1.. =)
When she's posing for the camera..the sweet sweet type of smile that you cant resist..
Smile 2.. =/
When she's tired and try to force a smile..
Smile 3.. =P
When she sees something she likes and she tries to pursuade u to think likewise..
Smile 4.. =D
When she's smiling from her heart..when she's really happy..
Smile 5.. =,)
When she's trying to smug at you..knowing she's right..
Smile 6.. =O
Ths silly smile..when she do something silly or feeling silly..
Smile 7.. =')
The smile before she says goodbye..is the most gentle smile of all...

I really miss her smiles..dunno if i'll ever get to see them again..
Just hope she keeps smiling..cos she really look especially sweet when she smiles..tts wad i've been telling her..a pity that she dun smile that often..maybe she wasn't all that happy wif me..i dunno..hope she's smiling more now..

Lecture..

Today went for POA lecture as usual..

Den dunno why during break time..tears started rolling down..

Memories of her attending lecture wif me flooded my mind..
those times she would accompany me to lecture..we would always go search for the vending machine and buy many many snacks..especially anything meiji..strawberry pokki..she likes chocolate..but she would always buy the strawberry type for me..the large packets of seaweeds..the noise of fingering inside the packet would disturb everyone in the LT..she normally drinks coffee while i drink green tea..

I noe she's tired but she would do me little stuff to keep me awake..haha..little notes..stuff that i can only keep now and think of her..after lecture we would take the bus to her place..slow walk home hand in hand..i would always try to see her home..cos of those ah pek under her block looking at her when she goes home..

One thing i really regret is i nv make the effort to accompany her to her lecture..maybe if i did..den things wont become lidat..thats the problem with people..dun treasure when u have it and regret it when u lose it..
I'm so guilty of it..things hpn and..as much as u want it..u can only hope..

I pray that she's happy always..i noe she's very happy now..and i'm thankful..
let joy be with her always and that she'll nv shed a tear sadness again..

She keeps taking photo of me!!!



Strawberry Pokki !!!

Yawn like a meow..